the eternal ticking
by The-Angel-Illusion
Summary: Amanda moves to Forks after her parent's death. Staying with Ms. Newton, her aunt, she meets Embry and falls in love. That is, until her best friend, Melissa comes to visit.
1. escargot

Ch.1 Escargot

I sighed, "You're so lucky. I wish I had a laptop. I hate my computer. It's so slow! My parents won't let me have internet if I get one. It's so stupid!"

"That sucks," Melissa Thomas said. I could tell she was resisting the temptation to roll her eyes. Melissa was my best friend. We were walking home from school to her house and she had heard this complaint at least a dozen times.

Melissa and I had been friends since kindergarten. You couldn't separate us two. Well, that may be for the fact that she's my only friend. But, it makes me feel better when you say it the other way. For some reason I'm unpopular. Why? Not quite sure. Maybe, it the fact that I like to read, or that I'm crazy and random, or that I don't where make-up, or that I've never had a boyfriend, or maybe all of them put together.

"Hey Amanda, lets detour to the library," she said. Amanda. I hated that name. Of course, if there was a single person who didn't hate their name I would be greatly surprised. Amanda Jennifer Shepard. How much more old fashion can you get?

I raised my eyebrows, "Why?"

"I promised my mom that I would read more. She's a big reader. I don't see why. Reading's so dull," she replied.

"I disagree. I find reading interesting. I will never fight a dragon or meet an elf so why not have the experience through reading about it. I will probably never fight a war or almost die in a car chase and I doubt I will ever go skydiving. I still want to know what it's like."

"I know you like it, but that doesn't improve it for me."

We set off to the library. The streets were crowded and hot. It was September and a Friday afternoon. I watched my feet plod along the pavement. I watched the cracks in the sidewalk. Cars zoomed past us. Only five months until I turn sixteen. Then I can get my license. Melissa already had hers. Lucky. I looked over at her. She looked confused.

"What?" I asked.

"How long do you think a dragonfly lives?"

"Why?"

"Well," she explained awkwardly, "When I was young, seven or eight I think, I caught a dragonfly with a butterfly net. I named it Lucy. I was really excited. I put Lucy in a box until I could get my butterfly cage set up. I took a lot of care setting it up. I put a big branch and some smaller twigs in it along with leaves of all shapes and sizes. Then, I ran back for Lucy and she was dead. I cried all night. I just was wondering how old a dragon fly could get."

"How am I suppose to know that?"

"Well, your full of random facts."

"Like, the cheese grater was invented nearly two hundred years ago."

"Yeah like that."

We rounded the corner and I saw the library come into view. It was small and shabby. It had London Library printed across the windows and dusty books in stacks in the display. Why did it say London? That's my question. We live in Santa Barbara not London! It was the only library in walking distance of Melissa's house. We would probably go to a _good_ library if one were closer.

When we got inside it was a relief to feel the air conditioner on at full blast. I was never a hot weather person. I always rejoiced when winter and the cold weather came. Hot weather always made me feel groggy and grumpy.

The library was small and held a bunch of dusty volumes. If you wanted to find a book that had come out recently in here you would probably have to wait another fifty years. We were forced to check out classics. I checked out _Wuthering Heights_ and she _A Midsummer Nights Dream. _We walked back to her house. It was only three blocks from the library and seven from school.

Her house was small but well kept. It had only one floor but it had a basement. Whenever she had spare time, her mother would clean the house again and again until I couldn't believe it had anything left to be cleaned. Her mother greeted us when we walked in the front door, "Hello, girls. Have a nice day at school? What did you get from the library?" I showed her _Wuthering Heights _and she smiled, "I loved that book when I was your age. It's wonderfully written." Melissa and her mom don't look much alike. Mrs. Thomas is a short plump woman. Melissa is tall and skinny. Melissa is blond and her mom brunette. The only thing they really share in common is their hazel eyes. She takes mostly after her dad. I don't see him much since he works from seven AM to eight PM and often goes on business trips. I wasn't sure what he did. Something boring.

I smiled at her and walked up to Melissa's bedroom. The walls were a royal purple and her bedcovers were blue. On the windows hung long blue curtains. The walls were covered with famous rap, rock, and metal bands. Where posters didn't cover the walls there was small white paintings done right on the wall. The paintings were of stuff like flowers and trees, suns and moons, oceans and rivers. We were both artists but in different ways. I liked to draw and she liked to paint. I drew people while she painted stuff like landscape, trees, and flowers. She had a white shag rug on the floor and her desk was piled high with everything she didn't know where to put. Clothes were scattered across the floor and some more were shoved under the bed. Unlike me, she was very sloppy and unorganized. I liked everything neat and ordered.

We studied a little for the biology test on Tuesday - it wasn't hard we already knew most the stuff- and then sat down for dinner. Dinner was mashed potatoes, steak and salad. I poured myself a glass of milk and when I poured out the Italian salad dressing, it came out too fast and got mixed with my mashed potatoes. I scooped the mash potato/salad dressing to the side. The dinner was delicious, of course. Ms. Thomas was a wonderful cook. She had made the mash potatoes out of real potatoes and not out of flakes in a box and she left the potato peels in. I loved to come over to her house because of the great food. Melissa and I always joked about it saying that I only came over for the food. I had tasted her mom's delicious smoothes, chili, soup, fruit leathers, and pasta.

During dinner we talked a lot. We talked more than we ate. That is the opposite of my house. My family barely ever converses during dinner. The only usual sound is chewing. Ms. Thomas and Melissa did most the talking and I just listened. Like usual. I may be crazy and funny with my friends, but mostly, I am shy. I only talk to answer a question or a greeting and I am quiet and plain. Many people do not realize that I'm naturally an energetic and friendly person.

Melissa and I are complete opposites. She is a sociable person while I have no skills in that subject. She got an iPod at eleven, a cell phone at twelve, and a laptop at fourteen. I got an ipod at thirteen, a cell phone at fifteen, and a laptop is still at the top of my wish list. She is always updated on the latest fashions while I trail about two years behind. My average of grades is an A, while her's is a C. She's beautiful, while I'm ugly. I'm a geek, while she's popular. But somehow, were still friends.

Although we act different, we look much alike. We are both around the same height, tall for our ages. Our hair is the same length, texture, and are both straight, although mine is red. Not orange, a dark brownish red. Its pretty, I think, but I try not to mention it for fear of sounding full of myself. I wish I had blonde hair or brown so I did not get so much attention. I hate attention.

We dug some ice cream out of the freezer. It was mint chip. They always had a box of mint chip ice cream in the freezer. Never cookies and cream, my favorite, or rocky road, Melissa's favorite, or even just plain vanilla. It was always mint chip.

After dessert Melissa and I hung out in her bedroom and complained about things like school, homework, weather, ect. We painted each other's nails and she showed me her new bikini, new jeans, new sweater and her three new t-shirts. Melissa loved to shop, especially for clothes. To tell you the truth, I had no idea why. What was so fun about staring at one piece of clothing, then the next? They were all the same to me. I showed her my new photo on my myspace. Then we talked about the new hot guy in our class, Jason. By the end we were giggling so hard, I could barely breath.

"You should ask him out," I giggled.

"What? No!" she shouted laughing.

"I saw him looking at you yesterday," I grinned at her.

"Oh, come on! We all know he likes you," she said.

"And what leads you to that conclusion?" I asked.

"He stares at you in math class," she said, jokingly.

"You sit right next to me. He could just as easily been staring at you." We joked around like this until we began to get tired. We got into our pajamas, brushed our teeth and got into bed. She had a sleeping bag ready on the floor. We talked awhile longer and then I drifted off in mid sentence.

I was walking in a forest. I could not see the sky. The branches were too thick. Little moonlight filtered through the canopy. It was dark and deadly silent. A shiver ran down my back. I knew something bad was about to happen. The wind started blowing, and the trees started whispering. They whispered about destinies and secrets buried deep in the past. I started walking faster and faster until I broke out in a run. Something was following me. I could hear it crashing around behind me. Now, I was sprinting, my heart thumping, my legs aching and I tripped. I looked around for anything I could use as a weapon. To my horror a gigantic wolf stepped out of the trees and howled. The wolf was grey with dark brown streaks. Suddenly, I woke up shivering my heart still pumping quickly. I wiped the sweat from my forehead and tried to get back to sleep. I finally fell asleep for a second time. When I woke up I remembered nothing from the night before.

I got up and got dressed and went down for breakfast. Unfortunately, they had no honey so I had to eat my cheerios plain. I heated up some hot chocolate because I was about to fall flat into my cheerios with exhaustion. Hot chocolate always wakes me up. I always have either hot chocolate or coffee before school starts. If I don't, I fall asleep in school or I zone out and don't hear a word the teacher says.

Like one time in sixth grade, I was in math class and Ms. Moore was explaining how to turn fractions into percents. I was taking notes. Stupid notes. _.1= one-tenth=10% .01=one hundredth=100%._ Well, no duh. You had to be an idiot not to under stand this. Alex, the boy sitting in front of me, raised his hand.

"Yes, Alex," she called on him.

"I don't get it," he said with a look of utter confusion on his face. Well, apparently he was an idiot. Not that I did know that before. Alex was the person who _always _failed tests, who _always_ came late, who _always_ didn't get it. I sighed this is going to be a lonnnnnnnng math class. I laid my head down. Forty-five minutes until lunch. I wonder what's for hot lunch.

According to Melissa, I had my head down my eyes closed and every time I breathed out, the page of my math would fly up then it would slowly come down like a feather. Breathe out. Flutter up. Breathe in. Breathe out. Flutter up. Breathe in. And on and again.

"Amanda, what is the next step?" Ms. Moore asked. I didn't answer, naturally, because I was asleep. "Amanda? Jessica," the girl next to me, "Wake Miss Shepard up."

Jessica started poking me. In a half awake state I edged away from Jessica, right of my chair. That's what really woke me. Thunk! Owww! Geez that hurt! I stood up and dusted my self off. The class was howling with laughter. My face was brick red.

" Are you okay?" Ms. Moore asked concerned. I told her I was and class went on. But that didn't stop it from being embarrassing. I snapped back to the present.

By the time I was fully awake, it was almost ten thirty. That is late for me. I tend to wake up somewhere between six to ten. I read _Wuthering Heights _until Melissa woke up. She shuffled downstairs her hair a big knot on top of her head. Her pink pajamas were still on.

"Morning," I said brightly.

"What are you doing up at a time like this?" she asked.

"Probably the same as you. When do you regularly get up?"

"About twelve maybe one sometimes."

I rolled my eyes. "Early bird gets the worm!"

"Why would I want a worm again?"

"They have protein!"

"No thanks I rather eat escargot."

"I've tried escargot. It's disgusting!"

"Uhg."

How we had come to the subject of escargot, I wasn't sure. She got out her cheerios and began eating. I read, trying to ignore my best friends sloppy and loud eating. Then the doorbell rang. I got up to get it accidentally knocking over my chair in the process. To my surprise, it was my neighbor, Mr. Lewis. He was a doctor. He had a suit on and his brown hair was neatly combed back. And by the look on his face I knew there was something terribly wrong.


	2. numbness

Ch. 2 Numbness

I was crying into Melissa's shoulder and she was patting my head not sure how to comfort me. I was sobbing and sobbing. The tears would not stop. I didn't know that I had so much water and salt in me. My eyes stung and I tasted salt. Melissa was in shock. My mother was dead, and my father was dieing.

I didn't know why I'm crying because Mom's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead! SHE IS NOT DEAD! MOM IS NOT DEAD!!!!! NOT! NOT! NOT! NOT DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It just can't be possible. I expect her to walk through the door any time now.

When Mr. Lewis informed me my parents were currently in the hospital because of a car crash, I hadn't believed him. I asked him how they were and he told me they would be fine, but with a pitying look on his face. That, I hadn't believed either. When I arrived at the hospital, my mom was already dead, and my dad needed surgery.

I was currently sitting in the waiting room because I was not allowed to visit my dad. _Tick, tock. _The clock went. I resisted the urge to slam my fist into it. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE FREAKING TIME!!!!! The waiting room had a chemical smell and the white cleanness that made it look like it was being cleaned with a toothbrush and toothpick. There were other people there, too. One man sat in a corner reading a newspaper. A woman sat on a bench with her baby on her lap. And a young man was pacing the room. Melissa and her mom sat next to me.

I had stopped crying. I had finally exhausted the source of my tears. I remembered when I scraped my knee and started crying. Mom would pick me up kiss my booboo and then it was all better. When on my thirteenth birthday my parents let me stay up all night watching PG13 movies with my friends. How my dad would explain complex math problems when I was confused. Never again would my mom bake cookies, or smile at me, or hug me.

A nurse came into the room interrupting my thoughts.

"You may see your father now," she said. My eyesight was blurry. My nose stung from crying and it was running like mad. I tasted blood. I had probably chewed the side of my mouth too much. I heard my steps over the beeping of machines and the shuffling of patients. _Click clack. Click clack. Sniff sniff. Click clack. _I heard the squeak of a cart full of supplies being pushed by a maid. It was as if my senses were picking up things as usual but it wasn't registering in my brain. It was as if I was watching every thing through a clouded window. I walked into my father's room.

"Mandy," he called me by my child hood name. More memories came sweeping towards me. I pushed them back trying to stay in the present. Tears burst forth again and I ran over to my dad and hugged him as gently as I could, because he looked pale and his facial expression lead me to the conclusion that he was trying to hide from me how much pain he was in.

"Daddy!" We just stayed there listening to each other's breathing. Mine was quick and in gasps, in between sobs and sniffs, while his was ragged and uneven. The hospital went bustling on while we were stuck in the past. Clinging to our last hopes that were fading and becoming weaker all the time. We could have stayed there for months. I didn't know how long we stayed there, actually.

The nurse walked in and smiled at us.

"Your father needs to rest before the surgery," she said to me. I let her lead me out into the waiting room. I was numb. I couldn't feel toes or the tips of my fingers. I sat down again and stared at the white wall. I wasn't thinking. I didn't comprehend anything around me. Some time I must have fallen asleep.

I woke up to a shout. Doctors and nurses were streaming in and out of my father's room. I stared at them uncomprendingly. Then, wham! It hit me. The shouts, the quick, loud beeping, the doctors and nurses running about could only mean one thing. The surgery was not going well. My father was dieing. I was never going to see him again. Never. I had never thought about religion before. But suddenly I hoped there was a God. I hoped there was a life after the one we were currently in.

Ms. Thomas eventually decided I needed rest. I went and stayed the night at Melissa's. On the drive home I stared out of the window. Stores flashed by. I watched them absent mindedly. Melissa and her mom were talking. Nothing they could say would interest me. They couldn't bring Mom back to life. I didn't care about anything else right now. I would never care about anything because she would _never_ come back to life.

I didn't sleep at all during the night. I tossed and turned and tossed and turned. Melissa was laying face up with her eyes open staring at the ceiling. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw mom looking back at me. I would take a deep breath, close my eyes, then fling them open as wide as they could go. Then I'd try again. Finally, I gave up and just sat in the corner watching the clock. _Tick, tick, tock, tick._ Every tick was a second. Every tick was one of the last seconds my dad had on earth. I had no doubt. He was going to die. I'm not sure when. Well, at least my mind told me so. My heart was in utter denial. Some time later, I was watching the clock _tick _over and over again, mesmerizing me. Melissa drifted off.

I shivered I felt utterly alone. No one. No one left. The sound of Melissa's deep even breathing lulled me to sleep. I was next to a river and it was very sweet. I was in forest listening to birdcalls and the river while walking down it. The sun felt nice on my back and the smile felt nice on my lips. It was a perfect day. I looked across the river and saw my mom. She had her back to me. "Mom!" I called. She didn't turn around. "Mom!" I called again frustrated. Same results. I tried to jump across the river, but a force held me back. When I tried to jump the woods fell silent, except for a sobbing sound I realized was coming from my mom. I had to get across to comfort her. I tried again; the whole world tuned black and white. The third time I tried I watched in horror as the whole forest started to die. I leaves withered and the flowers wilted. The fourth time I got my wish. I was sailing over the river, but not far enough. I landed in the river with a splash that made no noise. I couldn't swim. I was being swept down the river. Mom couldn't hear my frantic cries that I couldn't even hear myself. And that's when I woke up.

A loud obnoxious sound was in my ears. The telephone. I got up wondering if after all, my dad was going to survive. I walked to the kitchen where the phone was. Ms. Thomas beat me to it.

"Yes," a pause "Oh," another pause. Her face was chock white. She studdered. "I-I-I'll tell her then," she looked at me, "Amanda," she took a deep breathe "You're father is dead." Her breathe was quick and her voice was breathy and quiet. I stared at her unbelieving. How could she joke around like this? I waited for her laugh at her mean joke. He was perfectly fine. I knew it. I would have known if he had died. Wouldn't I? I mean, how could I not? He was my father. "I'm sorry." She whispered. She wasn't joking. Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I was drowning. Drowning in misery and hopelessness. Drowning in loneliness and despair. "And Amanda you're going to Forks to live with your aunt." Oh. With this to think about I went to bed and didn't sleep a wink.

Melissa and I were in her room. It was noon. My brain accepted that they were dead even if my heart didn't. My arm was read and sore from the number of times I had pinched it. I didn't understand why I hadn't woken up yet. It had always worked. Why didn't it now? Unconsciously I raised my arm to pinch it once more but this time Melissa grabbed my hand. Stop doing that. If you don't stop you might permanently injure it somehow. You're not dreaming okay? I looked at her. There were deep bags under her eyes. Apparently I had not been the only one to lie awake last night.

I stood up. "I'm going to get some thing to eat."

She stood up too. "Good idea."

We lay there. Me on my sleeping bag and her on her bed. Tomorrow I was to catch a flight to Seattle, another to Port Angeles, and then drive to Forks. All my stuff was packed up. I waited for sleep to come but it didn't. I lay there and stared into space. It was at least four PM before sleep finally drew me into its clutches. I got up at around five. I walked to the kitchen and got myself cheerios out of habit. I realized I wasn't hungry and threw it away. I felt like I was about to throw up. I took out _Wuthering Heights _and stared at it awhile. I kept on reading the same sentence over and over again without comprehending it. I didn't get interested at all, which is weird because I'm a big reader and I love _Wuthering Heights _especially. Finally I went to the living room and watched TV. At first it was some show about a cat and a tortoise becoming friends and then it switched to football, then _Family Guy_. I was watching a commercial about Windex when Melissa came down. I looked at my watch, six thirty two. She had slept an hour and a half more than me.

She joined me at the couch and we sat in silence watching some show about dog training. We stared at the TV while Melissa tried to make conversation. She was dismally failing.

"So do you know what Forks is like?"

"Yup."

"What is it like?" she persisted.

"Gloomy, dank and dark."

"Oh, isn't is your aunt that lives there?"

"Yup."

"What's she like?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Have you ever met her?"

"Yup."

Melissa sighed. "Are you going to actually answer me or just say yup?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

She got up and left.

I shrugged my shoulders again and turned my attention back to the TV.


	3. Tick Tock

Ch.3 Tick Tock

I was on a plane heading for Port Angeles. I stared at the window trying to make the pain go away. For the hundredth time I looked down and was surprised to not see a gapping wound in my stomach. I felt like I had been cut open, had my parents grabbed from me, and now all that was left was a gapping wound. I felt like I was going to faint from the pain of it. Every time I thought of them it was like another dagger cutting through my flesh. I tried not to think about them but that was impossible. I tried to distract myself by looking around at my surroundings.

I was sitting next to a man who looked like he was in his twenties. He had long brown hair that was falling into his face as he read. I could not tell what it was because I could not see the cover but the type was tiny and he had only about a chapter until he finished the book. He had wire-rimmed glasses that were slipping down his nose and bright blue eyes. Eyes that looked exactly like my father's. No. No. Don't think about that.

He was wearing a brown coat that reached his feet. It wasn't buttoned up and it ad to giant pockets. His shirt was a plain navy blue polo. It had a stain on the lower right side of his shirt. It looked like he spilled Coke or Dr. Pepper on himself and hadn't gotten it to the wash quick enough. He was wearing jeans that were all crinkled. They stopped to show brown dirty boots that looked like the ones my father used to wear. No! I will not think about that.

I focused on a girl across the isle instead. She had brown ringlets with tan skin and no freckles. She had lots of make-up on, lipstick, mascara ect. Her shirt was plain white underneath a dark pink jacket that was buttoned only one button at the top. She also had dark skinny jeans and black high heels. Her black purse were on the seat next to her and her long nails were painted a dark red. The same red nail polish that my mother wears. Used to wear. No. No. No. This is not working.

Was it just me or were the walls getting closer? I was having trouble breathing. It was really claustrophobic in here. I opened the magazine that was sticking out of the back pocket. The rest of the flight I perused the magazine and every time I my thoughts strayed towards my parents I would hit my self on the head with my magazine.

That is until people started staring. After that I got the idea that randomly hitting myself on the head was _not_ a good idea. I sighed and reframed from hitting myself after that. I only slipped a couple of times. Maybe I was going insane. I hadn't thought of that before. Hmmm. Interesting.

How do people know they are going insane? It usually happens after something big. Check. You usually develop phobias. Check. I can't stand the ticking of clocks. I had thrown my watch away earlier today. People give you strange looks when you think your doing something perfectly normal. Check, I was still getting stares from people on the plane. You start hallucinating. Not yet actually.

"Put on your seat belts the plane will landing in ten minutes." What a relief. I was starting to get really hot. Weird. Maybe I really was going insane. I waited for the plane to land. Finally it did. I pushed my way through the hustle and bustle towards the baggage claim. My baby blue luggage was waiting for me I grabbed it and saw Ms. Newton, my aunt. I walked over to her wheeling my rolling suitcase and carrying the other two. She quickly grabbed a suitcase to my relief.

"Hi," I said awkwardly.

"Hi Amanda! How have you been?" she asked.

"Good," I replied not sure if she meant before or after the accident.

"Your starting Forks high in a week."

"Oh," I tried to sound happy but I didn't succeed.

"I thought you would want a while to settle in," she explained.

"No. No. It's perfectly fine."

"Okay, here's my car." I saw a small four-seat car. We climbed in and Ms. Newton continued to try to make conversation.

"Mike's off to collage so you can sleep in his room. He doesn't visit often." I grunted. Staying in my cousin's room didn't sound that great to tell you the truth. I didn't really know him that well. I sighed and closed my eyes tuning out the sound of my aunt's voice. She didn't even notice she just kept on talking. We stayed like this until the car rolled to a stop and I was jerked out of my stupor. I was looking at my aunt's house. Hip hip hurray. I just wanted to take a nap.

I walked inside the small green house that looked like every other one on the block. I would have to come up with a trick to recognize it. I lugged my suitcases through the house until I found Mike's room.

Mike's room was a mess. Boxers here, t-shirts there. And you know what? It reeked. I caught a glimpse of the blue walls and the blue bed covers; he must have liked blue, when I turned away to see Ms. Newton.

"You know, on second thought, I think you've better sleep in the living room for a few days until I can tidy it up."

I quickly agreed with her and set my suitcases in the living room. I sighed and unrolled the sleeping bag that was perched on my rolling suitcase. I brought it just in case. I stuck it on the over stuffed grey couch, layed down, and stared at the ceiling. It was white. Period. No comment. Just blank.

But not for long, soon shapes started forming. I saw a ghastly face, black eyes and a sneer on its lips. The black mist that made it, dissolved and I was looking at the white ceiling. Hallucinating. Check. Was that a sign or just a hallucination? Am I really going crazy? I never thought I'd see the day that I doubted my sanity. I got up, I couldn't stand sitting still, and left. I walked out the door with no idea where I was going.

I soon realized this was a _tiny _town. I walked right into town and started browsing the few stores. First, I passed a grocery store. I walked in and looked around. They always have a rack with magazines. Not in this store. I walked out. And in and out of the next store. And in and out of the one after that. I kept walking in and out, in and out, in and out. I don't even remember what the stores were. What I do remember though, is seeing a group of huge men. They looked all about twenty years old. They all had russet skin and short hair and one was leaning on a motorcycle.

One of them punched the one with the motorcycle on the shoulder, "Come on Embry it'll be fun."

"Paul, I've," Embry paused, "Got too… study!" It was obvious he was lying.

"Embry come on!" one shouted.

"Yeah Em."

"You never hang out any more."

"Okay okay I'll come!" Embry shout in defeat. He got on his motorcycle and left.

The others just watched him go and started loping down the street. I realized I should be getting home so I started to retrace my footsteps. I watched the clouds drift by wondering if it were going to rain soon. As if on cue, it started pouring. I didn't notice the needles of icy cold poking my skin. I wasn't aware of my surroundings. I didn't remember giving my feet the command to walk but walk they did. I felt like I was enveloped in a blanket where nothing could harm me. I went straight to my aunts house. No, I went straight to _my _house. _I_ live there now. I should be calling it home. Home. It sounds too weird.

When I walk through the door Ms. Newton rushed over to me.

"Where have you been? I've been so worried."

"I just took a walk."

"Oh well, next time tell me where you're going r leave me a note. Anyway, dinners ready."

I nodded and sat down. I ate my soup in silence. I left in silence. I went to the living room in silence. Layed down on the couch and fell asleep instantly. I can't tell you if I slept in silence but I've never been told I talked in my sleep so I doubt that.

A good thing and bad thing happen to me that night. I'll tell you the good first. I didn't have a nightmare, I didn't dream at all. The bad news? I threw the clock on the mantle out the window. I don't remember doing it, but I found out the next day right after I was startled out of my dreamless sleep by a "Amanda!"

Told you I couldn't stand the ticking of clocks.


	4. My Sweet Bella

Ch. 4 My Sweet Bella

Nothing eventful happened after I got scolded for throwing Ms. Newton's favorite clock out the window. Luckily, it landed on grass. I spent the rest of the week lounging around and Ms. Newton was very worried. She thought I should be running around with friends. The problem was I have _no _friends. I had not met a single person except for the librarian. The _only _good thing about this place was that the library was better than the London Library back home. That surprised me greatly when I first visited it. I missed Melissa and I hadn't been able to talk to her. The funny thing about Melissa is that she _never_ answers her phone. I wanted to email her but the only computer in the house was Mike's broken down one, and he has password on that. Wait a minute! I wonder if Mike has a cell phone. I asked and he did. What is his number? 813-2022. I called.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this Mike?"

"Ummm yeah. And you are…?"  
"Amanda, I was wondering, what is the password to your computer?"

"Why?"

"Because I want to email my friend."

"Oh, well, I don't use it any more. The password is 'my sweet Bella.'"

Oooh, I think Mike has a crush.

"Who's Bella?"

"Just someone I know, knew."

"Knew?"

"Well after she married that cabbage head she disappeared."

Now I was interested.

"Disappeared?"

"Well after she married _it,_" he spat that last part, "She never contacted us again."

"Us?"

"Her friends, she told us she was going to Dartmouth and never talked to us again she never talked to us because of that scoundrel." Wow. He must really hate that guy.

"Who is that guy your talking about?"

"Edward Cullen, he was a vicious person but for some reason Bella didn't realize that. And then she went and married him at _eighteen! _And then there was that Jacob guy. He's so full of himself, walking around without his shirt on showing off his muscles. He and Cullen were always fighting over her. She would have been happier with me."

I had a feeling I knew what was going on here. I had a feeling that Mike liked Bella… and it defiantly sounded like she didn't like him. Yikes, poor Bella, with Mike running after her all the time. I wondered what Edward was really like because I doubted he was as awful as Mike made him seem.

"Okay Mike, thanks!" I hung up not wanting to hear Mike ranting about how horrible Edward was. I set the phone down and walked to the computer. I turned it on typed in 'Bella' and opened my email up. I checked it. Spam. Melissa. Melissa. Melissa. Yahoo. Melissa. Spam. Spam. Melissa. Melissa. Melissa. I deleted the spam and yahoo and opened the first Melissa.

**hey amanda wats up**

I opened the next one.

**amanda hows forks**

Next one.

**amanda why haven't u emailed me**

They were all like that growing more frantic. I emailed back.

_**its ok i just hav been busy hows life**_

I got up and walked out side. I wanted fresh air. Tomorrow was school. Fun. I sighed and walked into the forest not far from Ms. Newton's. I hiked into the forest, found a small clearing, and flopped on the ground and stared at the clouds. I was watching them float by. I felt like I was in a dream and I lost track of time. I was totally lost in my thoughts and was oblivious to my surroundings. That seemed to happen to me a lot. I laid there until _plunk,_ a big fat raindrop landed on my forehead. And then _plunk plunk. _I sighed unwilling to get up. _Plunk, plunk, plunk. _And then I was soaked. I groaned and sat up. I was already drenched so there was no need to hurry. I strolled over to Ms. Newton's. To my house. It was _my _house now.

I thought about how Melissa and I would always enjoy the occasional rain. We would run out of the house and prance around and dance in the rain. I remembered how once Melissa and I were going to have a picnic in her back yard and it started raining. Our sandwiches got soaked and Melissa ate her's anyway. I thought it was gross but that was typical Melissa. She would eat anything. Food she didn't like. Even random skittles she found on the floor. I remembered when I had opened my Dr. Pepper and it exploded all over my lunch. My chocolate muffin was soaked and so was my sandwich. I had eaten everything else. Melissa just grabbed my muffin and ate it. I asked her if she was crazy and she said it tasted perfectly fine. I sighed. I missed Melissa. Maybe I would ask her to visit soon. Ms. Newton stared at me when I walked in the house. I ignored her and walked up to my bedroom to dry and get changed. I was sadly in need of a better wardrobe. I pulled out my pajamas and crawled in bed and fell asleep. The lack of dinner made me starving the next day.

I woke up to my stomach growling. I looked at my clock and tried to go back to sleep once I saw the time. 5:30 was too early to get up. I didn't succeed. Finally after lying there about ten minutes I got up. I went down stairs and had two and a half bowls of cheerios with honey. Then I brushed my hair for about 45 minutes until Ms. Newton woke up, then I got dressed. After this I had nothing to do. I read the newspaper for something to do.

After I had decided that there was absolutely nothing interesting the paper I got up to look at the clock on the stove in the kitchen. It late enough for me to drive to school. I would still arrive incredibly early but I would go insane if I had nothing to do.

I realized I would have to walk to get to school. I sighed, grabbed the rain jacket Ms. Newton had bought me, and opened the door. A gust of cold wind rushed in the house. How can it be so cold in the middle of _September_? I was freezing as I walked down the streets. My toes were going numb and my nose felt like it was made of ice. I swear there were little icicles hanging on my ears. I found myself longing for the immense heat of back home. I thought I liked the cold. It didn't take me long to find the school even though I hadn't known where it was. The school was small. It was made up of a couple of brick buildings. What surprised me was that the school had no fence. Anyone could just walk away whenever they wanted to. I made my way to the nearest building.

It was a relief to walk inside the building labeled office. My ears started defrosting. I walked over to a woman with red hair sitting behind a desk.

"Um, hello. I'm Amanda Shepard."

"Oh, Amanda. I'm sorry about your parents. It must be horrible for you. Do you like it here in Forks?"

How did she know about my parents?

"Yeah, it's okay."

"I'm glad you like it here. I do hope you'll be happy in Forks. Here," she handed me a paper, "Have all your teachers sign this, and I have your schedule somewhere. She bustled around for a minute.

"Excuse me for a second," she left through a door behind her desk.

I took the opportunity to look around. Her desk had many papers on it and behind the desk there were filing cabinets and a door. On the wall there was a painting of a tree. I couldn't read the signature. The carpet was the bad kind, scratchy and stiff, and was a dull grey. The lady walked back in. She handed me my schedule and a map of the school. She went over my classes with me, and the best route to all of them. I thanked her and walked outside. I sat under a tree, which there were plenty of, until people started arriving. A tall girl walked over to me. She had brown hair and bright blue eyes.

"Hi I'm Elizabeth but most people call me Liz. Are you Amanda?"

I grunted in reply.

"It's horrible what happened to your parents. I'm really sorry."

She knew too? How did she know? It's not like I have a big sign over my head saying, "I'm Amanda Shepard and my parents died in a car crash last week." I sighed. I wasn't in the mood to talk. I hadn't been in the mood to talk since…

"Yeah," I said just to say something.

"What class do you have next?"

"English."

"Oh. I have biology."

I was glad we didn't have the same class. Maybe now I could be alone.

"Hi," a girl walked up to me.

Or maybe not.

"Hi."

"Are you Amanda Shepard? It must be horrible for you. Your parents dieing in a car crash, then you having to move out here. Do you like it over here? There aren't very many shops but my friends and I like to drive out to Port Angeles or Seattle or Olympia."

Geez she talked a lot.

"Maybe we can go shopping some time, or we could have a sleepover. I would love that. Do you have English? I have English."

She just kept on talking and didn't wait for my reply. I tuned her out but she didn't notice. She just talked and talked and talked. We entered building three. I walked over to the teacher.

"Hi. I'm Amanda Shepard. Your suppose to sign this slip."

He signed 'Mr. Mason,' handed the slip back to me, and directed me to my seat. Next to the girl who never stopped talking. Oh, great. She babbled on during class and I didn't hear a word Mr. Mason said. But I did hear from behind me, "She doesn't talk much does she."

"No she doesn't"

They talked like I couldn't hear them.

"But she's good looking."

"Bet you ten bucks I can get her to ask me on a date first."

"Like she'd ask you on a date."

I sighed and laid my head on the desk. I had only been here a week and I already hated Forks. The girl was still talking. Eventually, I found out her name, Melanie Sorin. The next class Biology was exactly the same. Yes, Melanie was in that class too. With a school this small it wasn't that much of a coincidence. In Algebra II Melanie wasn't there so I just laid my head down and dozed. During lunch I sat with Melanie and her friends. By the end of the day I had successfully did no work and learned nothing. I was about to trudge home when Melanie grabbed my arm.

"Do you want to go to the party at La Push?"

"What?"

"The party at La Push. Do you want to go?"

"Melissa, I mean Melanie, I…"

"Yay! I knew you'd come. I'll pick you up on Friday at six," and she bounced away.

Okay. I guess I'm going to a party. Where is La Push anyway? I shook my head and trudged on.


	5. Cliff diving

**A/N Thanks to Danni (runswithvamps), caleb's babe, Zoey24, and Sunmellow**

**I'm sorry I haven't updated, my sister is on the computer a lot and I didn't go on to fanfiction for a month so I currently have 41 chapters to read and more come every day. So I am in crazy need for reading. Oh, and I realized I forgot to write a disclaimer for the other chapters so…**

**Disclaimer: If I was Stephanie Meyer would I have only three reviews? (Danni doesn't count because she's my best friend and I would kill her if she didn't review. She's also my editor.)**

**So… my first story? (hint hint: that means review) Okay seriously guys, 375 hits (right now) six reviews. That's pathetic. Can you at least say nice? There must be something you like about it or something you think I could improve. And if not, tell me that my story was boring and unmemorable. Then I'll know to try to make more interesting. And not having an audience (that I know of because you don't review. So so far that has lead me to the conclusion that no one likes my story) means that I don't have a taskmaster which means I don't update. Why update if no one cares?**

Ch. 5 Cliff Diving

Why am I doing this any way? Melanie and I were driving to La Push, which I found out was an Indian Reservation by the beach. We were driving down a road in the middle of the forest. I watched tree after tree flick past.

"So, what type of party is this?" I said breaking the silence.

"Um, I don't know. There usually is a giant fire and the guys from La Push are _hot_, but they all look like they're in their late twenties. The oldest one, Sam, is with a girl called Emily. She used to be pretty, but a bear attacked her, and now she has scars all over her face. Sam goes around ordering the boys around, and you know what's weird. They just do it. They don't even complain. Quil worships this five-year-old named Claire. I could never get his attention. Apparently Jacob went to boarding school but he never even visits. Jared is totally in love with Kim. You should see them together. They're all holding hands and staring into each other's eyes. Paul is always hanging out with Jacob sister, Rachel. Then there is Seth. He's really energetic. I don't know much about Collin and Brady. Their both around fifteen. A girl always hangs out with them too. Leah Clearwater. She's Seth's sister, and she's really mean and rude. I think Embry's the cutest."

I remembered the guys I had seen when I had barely arrived at Forks.

"I think I saw them."

"You did? Aren't they so cute?"

"I don't know. I didn't notice."

"We're here."

I stepped out of the car and walk over to a group of people. There were the people from school and the Indians. They were the same people I saw. Embry walked over to me. I looked around but Melanie had vanished.

"Hi," he said.

Now that Melanie mentioned it he did look a little cute… Okay I was lying to myself. He was a lot more than a little cute. He was really tall like six foot and his hair was short and black. He had a gigantic smile that lit up his whole face and made him look, there was no other way to describe it, handsome.

"Hi, I'm Amanda."

"I'm Embry. You just moved over here, didn't you?"

"How does everybody know that?"

Embry shrugged. "Quil told me, and Billy told him, and Charlie told him, and you know Charlie. He doesn't seem able to keep his mouth shut."

"No. I don't know who Charlie is."

"He's the chief of police and Bella's father. " Interesting. "Do you know who Bella is?"

"Yes, wasn't she the one who went to collage and never talked to any of her friends again? Or was Mike being love sick because that's what it sounded like."

"Mike? Oh, yeah, I remember him. He never gave up, always trying to win Bella's heart… like Jacob," suddenly dropped his gigantic smile, his face becoming sad. He suddenly dropped into deep thought.

"Jacob? Didn't he go to boarding school?"

"What? Oh, yeah, right, he did."

I was absolutely sure that he _might _have been telling the truth. Or I was 100% sure that he was 99.9% truthful. Okay, I give up. But Bella and Jacob disappearing at the same time, two years ago? Fishy. But why would Embry be lying? He seemed honest to me.

"Why did he leave?"

"It… it's complicated."

I changed the subject.

"I didn't know it was possible for everyone to know who you are." I shook my head disbelievingly.

"Well it is. Do you like it here in Forks?"

"Are you kidding me? It's damp and miserable over here. I mean, I don't mind the cold much but it's so grey and depressing. Is it _ever_ sunny?"

Embry and I started talking. _I _talked! I barely ever talk now a days. Embry was likable and funny. With him I felt like I could be myself. I almost forgot about my parents. _Almost._ I could never completely forget them. They always hovered on the edge of my mind.

"How old are you?" I asked.

"Eighteen."

"_Eighteen!"_

"Yes, Eighteen"

"But you look… a lot older."

"I know." He grinned at me.

I shook my head in disbelief.

"How old are _you_?" he asked me.

"Seventeen."

He smirked at me. "You look a lot younger."

I stuck my tongue out at him.

We walked up and down the beach. I watched the waves crash like thunder. Waves of icy wind felt like they were going to blow me away. Salt stung my nose and filled my mouth with its taste. My hair streamed behind me as I began to run. I felt like I could fly. I ran down the beach and kicked my sandals off. I splashed through the waves. It felt like icy needles were poking me. My feet felt numb but I ran and ran and ran. I smiled and walked of the water that I was knee deep in. I was freezing. Again I doubted my sanity. Why on earth would I do that?

I saw Embry jogging over to me.

"Here," he handed me his jacket, "Why did you do that?"

I think he doubted my sanity too. I shrugged.

"Come on let's go back."

He started walking back and I followed him. He kept looking at me as if he were afraid I would do something crazy. When I walked next to him I realized that he was burning hot. Or maybe I was just freezing cold. I dismissed the thought.

"I haven't seen you at school why is that?"

"Oh, I go to school here at La Push. Have you ever dated?"

I was taken aback by that question.

"No, I was never popular at school. Why?"

Did he like me? No, it was just a question. Why would he like me?

He shrugged.

"I've never dated either."

"What do you like to do? You know, as a hobby."

He shrugged, "I like to play football, cliff diving…"

"_Cliff diving_?" I almost screamed.

"Uh, yeah," he looked confused.

"Jumping of cliffs is your hobby?" My voice was high and squeaky.

"Well, it's into the water…"

"In _Forks_? The water would be freezing. You'd get pneumonia!"

"Amanda, I'm fine. We do it all the time and none of us has ever gotten pneumonia," he said in a calm voice trying to reassure me.

"Okay then. What are your other hobbies, to distract me from your stupidity."

"Well, I like drawing…"

"You do? I love drawing…"

"Will you stop interrupting me?"

"Sorry."

And we talked about that until…

"I should be going now. Where's Melanie?"

Melanie wasn't on the beach. She wasn't by the fire. Actually, I knew exactly where she was. She was at home. She seemed to have forgotten me when I went off to talk to Embry. I don't think she really liked me. I think she thought I was just good gossip, and her car was gone. She didn't even tell me she was leaving.

"Melanie left me and now I don't have a ride home."

I was mad at Melanie for leaving me.

"I could give you a ride," Embry offered.

You know, I wasn't so mad at Melanie any more.

We got into his car, which was a dark blue. I had no idea what type of car it was, not being educated in cars. We drove in silence. Not an awkward silence, we were both deep in thought. Thinking. I seemed to be doing that a lot now. When we pulled up to my driveway, Embry started fidgeting.

"So… um… are you doing anything on Sunday."

I raised my eyebrow up at him. "No."

"Doyouwanytogotodinnersomewhere?" That came out really fast.

"What?"

He took a deep breath. "Do you want to go to dinner somewhere?"

Wow. I had no idea what to do. I liked him, but did I love him? I had never been on a date before. What do I say? What do I do? What do I wear? The panic seemed to show on my face.

"You don't have to if you don't…"

"No, no, it's okay. I just…"

"Haven't dated before?"

"Exactly."

"So, that's a yes?"

"Yeah."

He let out a big sigh.

"Okay, I'll pick you up at six on Sunday." Then he drove away quickly leaving me standing there unsure what to do.

I walked inside and went straight to the phone. _Ring. Ring. Ring. _Almost as bad as ticking. Then, "Hello."

"Melissa, I mean Melanie, I need help. I have a date on Sunday and I don't know what to do…"


	6. secrets

**A/N Okay. I seriously am trying to get my chapters out faster but… my editor (runswithvamp) decided she wasn't going to edit it for a whole week! (okay, im being a bit unfair saying that she couldn't print it… but! She didn't remind me and part of the time she just didn't do it.) So everyone throw rotten tomatoes at her. Thanks for my like four reviewers. Tell me if you liked it. It was hard trying to describe imprinting, so if you know how to improve it, tell me!**

Ch. 6

**POV Embry**

I watched the fire dancing. I could almost see two figures swirling around each other in a complicated dance step. I saw one figure throw the other in the air and she floated down like a feather and started dancing again but faster than ever. I stared at the fire for I don't know how long. I was at one of the parties held on the beach of La Push. Everyone from Forks high school came.

"Aren't you glad we made you come?" Quil said. He smiled at me and bounced up and down on the balls of his feet. He probably wanted to get back to Claire.

Quil was my best friend. My friends and I were werewolves or more like shape shifters who changed into wolves. We didn't change at the full moon or die when silver bullets shot us. Well, we did, but silver bullets affected us the same as any other type of bullet. You could kill us any way you want but it would be hard than just killing any old human because we turned into gigantic wolves. In our human state we were strong and tall. I was six foot four. We stop ageing when we become a werewolf. We don't become werewolves if were bitten it's simply our father's were and our son's will be. Girls don't become werewolves. Except for Leah. We don't know why she became one. Being a werewolf is hard because there is no privacy. Or minds are linked so everybody in the pack can see your deepest secrets. It was extra hard for Leah because she is a girl and the rest of us are guys. Also, Leah is deeply in love with Sam, the Alpha of our pack, but he's in love with Emily, Leah's cousin. But it didn't help that she was particularly nasty either. We werewolves were meant to protect the humans from vampires, our worst enemy.

"Why? These parties are always so boring. Look at all these people that are so ignorant of the world they live in," I gestured towards the crowd.

"Oh, come on Embry go talk to some people have some fun."

Quil ran off to hang out with Clair. I stood up and look around. A green Honda pulled up and two girls got out. I recognized one who had tried to flirt with me last time. She had failed miserably. I shivered at the thought. The other one was the new girl I had heard about from Quil. She had moved here two weeks ago. I did not know why. I smiled at her and walked over. The other girl slipped off.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi, I'm Amanda."

Her voice was strangely lifeless, numb, like her mind was far away.

"I'm Embry. You just moved over here, didn't you?"

Her eyebrows went down and she frowned.

"How does everybody know that?"

I shrugged, "Quil told me, and Billy told him, and Charlie told him, and you know Charlie. He doesn't seem able to keep his mouth shut."

Word did seem to get around in this small town.

"No, I don't know who Charlie is."

She didn't sound like she cared either. Her voice still plain and expressionless.

"He's the chief of police and Bella's father," understanding dawned on her face, "Do you know who Bella is?"

"Yes, wasn't she the one who went to collage and never talked to any of her friends again? Or was Mike being love sick because that's what it sounded like."

"Mike? Oh, yeah, I remember him. He never gave up, always trying to win Bella's heart… like Jacob."

Jacob. He is my other friend, but he imprinted and moved away with the vampires. That's another complicated thing about werewolves. Imprinting is rare but when it happens it creates an indestructible bond between the werewolf and a certain female human. If the girl is young the werewolf acts as a baby sitter. When they become old enough, because we do not age, they become lovers. To the werewolf, there is nothing more important than his imprint, not his life and not the lives of a million people. It becomes the werewolf's first priority to protect his imprint. Jacob had imprinted on his best friend's, Bella's, daughter. The father was a vampire. Jacob moved in with them anyway. No werewolf can stay away from his imprint. The father, Edward Cullen and the mother, Bella Swan, or now Bella Cullen, moved with a group of other vampires, the rest of the Cullens who stayed together like a family, to Alaska. Although vampires are our natural enemy we tried to get along because of the whole Jacob imprinting on Renesmee, or _his _Renesmee, or more like _his _Nessie, as he calls her, business. Jacob wasn't the only one to imprint though. Sam had imprinted on Emily, Paul imprinted on Rachel, Jacob's sister, Jared imprinted on Kim, and Quil imprinted on Clair. This whole business is highly complicated.

"Jacob? Didn't he go to boarding school?"

"What? Oh, yeah, right, he did."

I was always bad at lying.

"Why did he leave?"

"It… it's complicated."

She changed the subject.

"I didn't know it was possible for everyone to know who you are." She shook her head disbelievingly.

"Well it is. Do you like it here in Forks?"

"Are you kidding me? It's damp and miserable over here. I mean, I don't mind the cold much but it's so grey and depressing. Is it _ever_ sunny?"

We started talking. When I first looked at Amanda I didn't notice anything was wrong, but as we started talking I noticed a difference. She became energetic and happy. Her voice became less expressionless and filled with emotion. She relaxed transforming her face from a plain average face to something extraordinarily beautiful. I looked down on her and watched with my own eyes an amazing transformation. It looked like she hadn't had a real conversation for weeks and all the things she hadn't said just over flowed and she couldn't stop talking. I hadn't talked like this in forever. I felt like I had known Amanda for a really long time and we had grown up together best friends.

"How old are you?" She asked.

"Eighteen."

She looked like she had been hit by a truck.

"_Eighteen!"_

"Yes, Eighteen"

"But you look… a lot older."

"I know." I grinned at her. That was one of the things that happened to us before we became wolves. It was like puberty doubled for us until we looked thirty and then _poof _we turn into wolves and stop aging at all.

She shook her head in disbelief for the second time that night.

"How old are _you_?" I asked her.

"Seventeen."

I smirked at her. "You look a lot younger."

She stuck her tongue out at me.

While we talked we walked down the beach. Suddenly she started running. I jogged behind her and right as I was about to ask her what was wrong I saw the expression of pure joy on her face. I shrugged and slowed down. I watched her race down the beach, and she was fast… for a human. I could probably ten times faster than her if I wanted too. I watched her long slender legs whip back and forth back and forth. While she was running she kicked off her sandals, why she was wearing sandals I did not know maybe she was crazy. She started splashing through the waves. The water felt fine to me, being a werewolf, but to any human it would be freezing. I ran after her. She would get pneumonia, further proof that she was insane. I ran over to her.

"Here," I handed her my jacket, "Why did you do that?"

She shrugged.

"Come on let's go back."

I walked of and I heard her follow me. I kept my eye on her afraid that she might suddenly decide diving into the ocean was a good idea.

Crazy or not, I knew I liked Amanda, as a friend, or maybe not. I couldn't tell. I had only known her for an hour.

"I haven't seen you at school why is that?" she asked me.

"Oh, I go to school here at La Push. Have you ever dated?"

Just curious.

"No, I was never popular at school. Why?"

I shrugged.

"I've never dated either."

"What do you like to do? You know, as a hobby."

I shrugged, "I like to play football, cliff diving…"

"_Cliff diving_?" She screamed.

"Uh, yeah,"

"Jumping of cliffs is your hobby?" Her voice was high and squeaky.

"Well, it's into the water…"

"In _Forks_? The water would be freezing. You'd get pneumonia!"

And I was afraid of her getting pneumonia. Did I like her? I think she likes me. I _think._

"Amanda, I'm fine. We do it all the time and none of us has ever gotten pneumonia," I tried to reassure her.

"Okay then. What are your other hobbies, to distract me from your stupidity."

And she had just run through the icy water bare foot.

"Well, I like drawing…" I wasn't that good but I liked to get out my drawing pad and sketch trees.

"You do? I love drawing…"

"Will you stop interrupting me?"

"Sorry."

We talked about drawing. The name Melissa kept popping up. Melissa can paint really well… Melissa likes drawing tree's too but she mostly paints them… Melissa's the better painter and I'm the better drawer but we're okay switched… She looked at her watch and jumped.

"I should be going now. Where's Melanie?"

Melanie had left without her so I offered her a ride and she accepted. By now I was sure I had feelings towards her. I wanted to ask her out on a date but I didn't know how. I had never done it before. I kept rephrasing the question over and over again. How would I ask her? Before I knew it we had pulled up to her house. I realized that we had spent the whole car ride in silence and I felt guilty. I took a deep breath trying to calm down.

"Doyouwanytogotodinnersomewhere?" That came out really fast.

"What?"

I took a deep breath. "Do you want to go to dinner somewhere?"

She started to panic and that made me panic. What if she said no?

"You don't have to if you don't…"

"No, no, it's okay. I just…"

"Haven't dated before?"

"Exactly."

"So, that's a yes?"

"Yeah."

I let out a big sigh.

"Okay, I'll pick you up at six on Sunday." Relieved I drove away a little too quickly hoping she wouldn't change her mind. That part was over but the hard part was yet to come, actually going on the date. I started to walk home, and I tripped over a tree branch. I picked myself up and brushed myself of. Who would like a guy like me? Suddenly I wished Amanda was my imprint. If only, if only…


	7. Seconds

21/12/2008 13:28:00

**A/N I want to go on a rant but I have a feeling no one will notice cuz I dot have any readers. At least it seems that way with so little reviews and all. I'm going to go on the rant anyway:**

**You can throw tomatoes at me if you want. I'm sorry. It's just I don't update the next chapter until I've written the next one and I'm having trouble with Embry and Amanda's date. Thank you thank you thank you RLD Flame-point Callie-co you saved my life with your tips. I know this chapter is way too short. Get you rotten tomatoes ready, set, fire!**

Ch.7 Seconds

Another one? If you could sigh in nightmares, I would have. I had nightmares every other night now. They were all the same one too. I would have been bored out of my mind if I wasn't so terrified. In the past ones I had walked in the forest until I found a small pond. The pond would be perfect circle and its surface would reflect like a mirror, for it was covered in ice. I would look down and see my face but then it would transform into my mother's. She would wear a mask of anger. The pond would explode and sharp pieces of ice would fly everywhere. Then I would wake up.

That's how it _usually_ happened. It started out the same. I walked through the woods. The tree's interlocking fingers making me feel like I was in a cage. The tree's towered over me, some as tall as skyscrapers. If I hadn't been in a dream I would have thought this weird, but I thought nothing of it. I found the pond again. This is where the dream wandered off its usual path. When I looked down in the pond, the water was pitch black, and there was no ice.

I waited patiently staring at the smooth water. Why, I could not tell you, for I was in the land of dreams where reason did not affect your choices and you did only what you felt you were supposed to do. Some sixth sense told me something was going to happen. The sixth sense was apparently correct. A whirlpool started in the very center of the pond. It grew larger and larger filling the whole pond. As it grew larger it picked up speed. It was spinning and as it spun the water turned clear. The wave of clearness started in the middle until it sloshed up onto the shore. The rebounding wave turned the pond to ice. I stared at the ice and saw a blurry figure looking at me.

_Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump._ The sound came from behind me. I still did not shift my gaze. _Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump._ The sound was too loud for human footsteps, but to quiet for hooves. The thumping stopped right behind me, and I was falling, falling towards the thin layer of ice. But instead of crashing through it or even landing on it as if it could hold my weight. I just fell through it. It didn't break it was as if it was non-existent. I turned over to get out of the pool but when my hand touched the ice it was solid. I panicked. I could not break the ice no matter how thin the layer was. I calmed down enough to look through the window of ice. There was a wolf peering down at me. I realized the eyes vaguely reminded me of Embry, the boy I had met yesterday. It was the same wolf I had dreamt about days ago…

I woke up with a startled yelp. I was breathing hard. That dream, that nightmare, was a new one. I realized I was shivering. The covers were on the floor, not as if they had been thrown off while I was thrashing about in my sleep, they looked like I had gotten out of bed. Next my gaze turned to the window, the _open _window. Strange. I must have been sleep walking. I used to do that when I was younger, but I hadn't done it reasontly. I got up to close the window. The floor around it was soggy from the pounding rain. Great. I sat down on my bed. Ms. Newton walked in with her pajamas on, a pink button down shirt, and pink loose sweats. I didn't know she liked pink so much.

"Sweetie, are you okay? I think I heard you screaming."

"Yeah," my voice was raspy, "I just had a nightmare."

"Oh, I'm sorry, would it help if you told me about it?"

I shook my head. No matter how kind and loving Ms. Newton was, she had no idea how to comfort a teenager who had lost her parents.

"You look like your sick maybe you should stay in bed today," she looked concerned

I shook my head. "I'm fine," my voice was still raspy.

She left still looking unsure what to do. I rolled over and went back to sleep, a deep sleep, and dreamless sleep. I slept until 4:30 pm. Maybe I had really been sick.

...

Up and down up and down I paced. 5:14 pm.

5:15

5:16

Every tick of the clock. Second by second. Worrying. I missed Embry, but it had only been a day. I had only known him for a day. I felt like I had known him for forever. He made me feel light. But every minute, every second I felt heavier. Heavier. Heavier. Memories flooding, drowning me. Where was my savior? 17 hours 44 minutes. 43 minutes. 42. 41. 40. Time passes. Slowly. Seemingly endless. But it passes. Though every second I counted. Eyes searching. Staring at the clock. A minute. A whole minute. The clock ticks, ticks, ticks… Never ending. Immortal. The eternal ticking. Hours may pass. The sun sink and rise. But your heart counts not hours, but days, years, a life time. Even if I travel the world. Ticking will always haunt me. My dreams. My waking hours. Tick Tock Tick Tock. Memories. I could not swim. I could not breathe. Memories.


	8. So sorry

**A/N- I'm sorry I haven't updated its just I'm writing this other story (not a fanfic sorry) and I just cant write two stories at the same time. Plus Im disappointed with the number of reviews/faves/alerts im getting so maybe if I get enough reviews ill keep on going. If I have time or finish the story Im writing now (I hope to get it published before I graduate high school so wish me luck) I really am sorry and I feel like a jerk for abandoning the story.**

**-nikk**


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